its only the first chapter

relationships are an investment -and you never know what the reward will be in return or if you will even get one . Four years i invested into someone - they broke up with me three times - we even got to the point of marriage -people say im too young -love is one thing you cant put an age limit on -marriage ??varies from person to person . I dont really know how to feel about him after all this - is there really a right or wrong way ?would it make a difference if i knew the real reason why ? if i only one reason instead of twelve different ones- people can look at your situation from the outside and easily say it will be ok, sit back and think day in and day out with one person - who you share your heart, your pain, your secrets, your smile ,your tears,and your laughter with ,and they leave you over .....???who really knows .I'm not gonna lie i try to look forward most days but when i look back it hurts all over again. You feel like you lost your dignity but in a way you gain -what am i worth i have to ask myself- he wasnt a bad guy - but he wasnt ready either . he thought he knew ,but he had no idea,he had no mind of his own -he doesnt even realize when he is weak or where he is weak - i miss being in love , i miss the passion that came with it , the deep conversations , the chemistry , the relaxation of being with another person , but im scared to fall in love again, i dont trust to let my heart go again - i want to guard it with my life -no physical pain can match up to the pain of the a broken heart.i look forward to a new guy , a better me , a stronger me ,a me without you -but in due time. my first love my first love lesson.some people can handle being friends with an ex - but i think that is a bull on the behalf of the dumper - to have their cake and eat it too- that is asking alot - when one person didnt want to let go ,they still want the relationship and all of you but all one is only offering is friendship - i guess better something than nothing at all-Wrong - that is settling - and even for myself -if someone loves you they will let you go, why sit around why they move on or figure out their confusion - dont be apart of the BS going on these days-everybody wanting to explore -they are leaving the one they love for the world they like -and in due time karma is in the works .in due time the dumpee is realizing their worth -love makes you want to hold on and tag along -love can also make you look like a fool. i fought -constant emails and questions but always a diss or different answer-nothing is wrong with me -he just didnt really want me -he never did-somethings in life you have to come to terms with and thats one i have- he loved me but didnt want me -smh -sounds crazy but thats a tale of life. everyday is a new day , its own ,and a fresh start -the good thing about memories is they fade while love can die .