forget them -do me -Im my top priority

An epiphany can be described as a moment of self-realization or discovery that enlightens or reveals the person’s character. ...........life is a journey, some of us are blessed with long journeys , and through those journeys we find treasures sometimes they are physical treasures and others are treasures of wisdom. Life's lessons , the ones we learn from are how we gain  wisdom- a treasure that  will help you get through life. It is true what they- sometimes in life if we just sit still the answer is usually right in front of us  and the best way to deal with things is just to face them . Break ups are hard, letting people go in general is hard. We get so use to them being around or just knowing they are there.In my recent time I lost my first love and cut off ALOT of friends. Though things dont always happen by choice its still hard and "why"  should be the word to avoid whenever going through change - it wont always be something we understand . I 'm not one who does well  with change- it took me back - i wanted to find who i am without these people-acting outside my norm - hear i am putting up this exterior to block off pain and reality of what i need to face . im going here and there  saying this and that- having fun in the process but not fulfilling fun -is this me , where am i - was i myself with them or am i  myself now ?hmmmm- how can one person analyze them self so much i ask ?It sounds cliche to say "people are put in your life for a season "- i was never fond of that expression -i think we allow people in our lives , they aren't necessarily "put there"-it sounds as if they fell out the sky or popped out of no where- i believe we all have an idea in mind of the type of person we want to be , the things we want to do in life , but then alot of us encounter self battles and making choices of right from wrong - society has its standards along with the church - by the looks of things today society often wins-at one point in time, even recently you can say acceptance has always been something to me - i never went off the limb but i put myself in many compromising situations - to avoid the pain i felt internally, rejection, and reality. Step one to being a successful and content individual is to  be 100% comfortable being you and the things you do and stand for  -my motivation now is growth for a better me - learn to love yourself more , the more respect you gain from others , rejection probably wont phase you as bad or maybe not at all or as often , loving yourself more will show how much the person who falls in love with you loves you . People put themselves in situations where they are at struggle in some form- alot  of times things happen out of our control but alot of things can be prevented within our control as well.it doesnt hurt as much to be alone or without as many friends -its giving me time to do what  i need to for me,to live for me outside of what everyone else expects or wants,  to prepare for better people and better opportunities .the bitter taste is finally leaving my mouth. True friends in life and a true love will treat you how you deserve to be treated, u cant trust everybody, you cant let everybody in or keep letting them back in (even if intentions seem good) , the ones who give you time and are there through the toughest will last for the longest -no things are not gonna always be peaches and creme - but they shouldnt be hell most of the time either - dont settle - you only have one life to live- get  fulfillment out of life on your terms -if not the first time around maybe the 2nd ,3rd,till you are fulfillled. dont let things around you or things you are going through mold you - but create yourself .

First step take a deep breath you dont need a reason why
You can take time, you can walk, run, dive
Close call you think you might fall but all you have to do is try
Even angels even angels learn to fly(fantasia)
- there is no rush in creating you , no pressure in being you -only everlasting fulfillment when you remain loyal to yourself

its only the first chapter

relationships are an investment -and you never know what the reward will be in return or if you will even get one . Four years i invested into someone - they broke up with me three times - we even got to the point of marriage -people say im too young -love is one thing you cant put an age limit on -marriage ??varies from person to person . I dont really know how to feel about him after all this - is there really a right or wrong way ?would it make a difference if i knew the real reason why ? if i only one reason instead of twelve different ones- people can look at your situation from the outside and easily say it will be ok, sit back and think day in and day out with one person - who you share your heart, your pain, your secrets, your smile ,your tears,and your laughter with ,and they leave you over .....???who really knows .I'm not gonna lie i try to look forward most days but when i look back it hurts all over again. You feel like you lost your dignity but in a way you gain -what am i worth i have to ask myself- he wasnt a bad guy - but he wasnt ready either . he thought he knew ,but he had no idea,he had no mind of his own -he doesnt even realize when he is weak or where he is weak - i miss being in love , i miss the passion that came with it , the deep conversations , the chemistry , the relaxation of being with another person , but im scared to fall in love again, i dont trust to let my heart go again - i want to guard it with my life -no physical pain can match up to the pain of the a broken heart.i look forward to a new guy , a better me , a stronger me ,a me without you -but in due time. my first love my first love lesson.some people can handle being friends with an ex - but i think that is a bull on the behalf of the dumper - to have their cake and eat it too- that is asking alot - when one person didnt want to let go ,they still want the relationship and all of you but all one is only offering is friendship - i guess better something than nothing at all-Wrong - that is settling - and even for myself -if someone loves you they will let you go, why sit around why they move on or figure out their confusion - dont be apart of the BS going on these days-everybody wanting to explore -they are leaving the one they love for the world they like -and in due time karma is in the works .in due time the dumpee is realizing their worth -love makes you want to hold on and tag along -love can also make you look like a fool. i fought -constant emails and questions but always a diss or different answer-nothing is wrong with me -he just didnt really want me -he never did-somethings in life you have to come to terms with and thats one i have- he loved me but didnt want me -smh -sounds crazy but thats a tale of life. everyday is a new day , its own ,and a fresh start -the good thing about memories is they fade while love can die .

the book

(figuring out this blog stuff is kinda complicated -im in need of a vent ) Everyone has a different story-their story is what makes them unique.People often look at me as if i have a made life.Perfect family, money , church going girl -HA!-that is all I will say to that .One thing I do not like to do with people is compare life stories - just to see whos is worse-the thing with that-God ( yes who i believe in )placed us where we are now. Whatever we are going through in life as individuals - you we are alive and stand still standing -so therefore we are handling it. I know i havent been through the worse of the worse ,but im able to handle what comes my way obviously . That is the way to look at it- if you are still standing - then you are gonna get through. Life throws a lot of curves and from having the experience of being in love -u kinda have to learn to trust your gut-but then again when you go through things that may hit you hard -its another one of life's lessons.I was in a relationship and when he wanted to get back with me I had a gut feeling telling me to wait and give it more time but there is this other feeling called attachment- you kinda want to hold on to what you got while its still there - i didnt go with my gut and i end up falling deep head over heels even more than before the break up-it was bliss- then it was a drought-then it was dead-all in a blink of an eye- i look back and say to myself if only i would've went with my gut -something was telling me not to - life is full of those types of incidents- you really cant dwell, i really cant dwell- . Its now part of my story . If i hadnt gone through that , i wouldnt be blogging, i wouldnt have the friends i have now ,i wouldnt have progressed into who i am now .Pull the positive out of every negative -its always at least one thing there.Some days i feel like i move to fast for life .I go about keeping myself busy to avoid the pain of this heartbreak , the realization of whats going on -its not a bad thing ,some type of therapy has to take place . Im anxious for more good to come my way though -then again checking myself-this is how i got where im at now-not waiting . I believe if most people slow down and actually look around or just enjoy what they have in the present -some of life's curve balls can be dodged.Its like they say though ,you live and you learn ,sometimes learning comes the hard way. What is life without lessons ,what's a book without a story.My story is what makes me "me."

shaking my head: Love lesson

shaking my head: Love lesson: "the weather in MS is just as fickle as love these days -one they its hot , next its cold , one week its dry ,next its warm, one week the g..."

Love lesson

the weather in MS is just as fickle as love these days -one they its hot , next its cold , one week its dry ,next its warm, one week the grass is growing and the leaves still green - now they are falling and brown on the ground -love is no longer blossoming -ppl are no longer posting love songs but heartbreak statuses - it is the season of death -of relationships ( scary huh)-I have had the priveledge of talking to numerous ppl this week . they have shared stories with me and not one but all were recent heart break stories .People not being ready for relationships or people not valuing what they have . Each generation gets worse and worse ,making it harder to find gold . Why dont guys value good when they have it? why dont girls stop looking for these thugs and dudes who dont want much for themselves or out of life . I just dont understand what go through ppl heads - Life is not promised -nor is it long - so why the hell are people -im not ready to do this now ,i need to see what else is out there ,- do we really have time for all this guinea pigging - so what im getting is you walking away from good for curiousity - mainly hoes - that are easy cause you scared of the real stuff. Love is beautiful, it feels good (not sex but love ), when you are able to enjoy that others company ,laugh, cry ,and be mad, but still have this warm feeling and consistent feeling about this person - its good stuff.people should cherish it cause it dont come around often