what are you made of ?

If we all knew everything ahead of time , there would be no adventure to life. I hate surprises but life is all about living and learning .It may be a game to some . Wasting their days away  smoking weed and thinking . A good thought is nothing without an action behind it .Everyone has a different lesson, a different story , with a different kind of pain and joy. Right now at 22, I feel as if I'm transitioning into who I am suppose to be . Its weird because a lot of times I feel like the environment I'm in doesn't fit me so I would at times fit myself to the environment. This past week I have just figured out that as much as I would like to be with someone I would love to take myself with the aid of God to somewhere beyond what another human could do for me. The best gift anyone could ever do for them self is develop who they are and what they have. We all get caught up in the things around us, whether its clubbing, having a social life or being infatuated with the love of our life it can be so easy to get thrown off the path of gold. I'm becoming more appreciative of what appear to be negative things at first but really they are keys, hints , and signs that are telling me to jump, signs to go for it . I feel like being in my twenties I honestly want to grow to know my strengths and weaknesses on a  personal level  and what I have to offer the world with my talent as an artist and how far it can take me . How far I will let it take me ..I have become really appreciative of all of my siblings. Time has flew so past . Even though family can cross you, annoy you , and leave you hanging .. that just exemplifies how thick blood is . I have come to a point where being is single is cool , being friendless is cool , being me is even greater. I think there is a happiness and drive people have to discover within them self to just ever be fully content. My favorite quote"Life is not about finding  yourself but Creating yourself" outside every pain I may feel due to whatever I  may be dealing with or have dealt with nobody said that you have to let where you are or where you have been  create who you want to be .It may have an effect but it does not have to be in control . My sisters have honestly been there for me through this time of transitioning and after 19 years of us being together I dont think I ever really appreciated them or family . My favorite quote "time creates value" I love to say this in reference to people and relationships , it is like wine.
Your hand with my hand
Your face looks like my face
Eyes with the same pain
Blood with the same chain
Scars from the same play date
Anger built of up from years of pain trying to escape
Our love is unspoken
But understood
you cry
they dont but i know why
We have shared a past
wearing the same mask
Heard the same fights
 looking for the same escaping light

Witness the same deaths
we still have each other when the others have left
wondering the same questions but daring to speak of them
Closing eyes and praying of a saving grace from HIM
Your hand and my hand
your face looks like my face
Raised under the same roof
On the same foundation
seeing you grow up and you grow up
we become each others lessons learned and inspirations
an endless friendship
to match our life long bond
together we are 5 sisters
giving each other strength
building bonds
with that same ole smile
rising high 
to the peak 
not looking back
but with your hand and my hand
and that same ole smile
looking beyond

shaking my head: the U'S follow and I'S lead

shaking my head: the U'S follow and I'S lead: You know when you want something the second you look at it or the second it sounds appealing. You know when you love something and you cant ...

the U'S follow and I'S lead

You know when you want something the second you look at it or the second it sounds appealing. You know when you love something and you cant stop thinking about it  and it brings joy for more than one reason. That is how I feel about my work lately. As a designer, as an artist, I like making cards simply to show my creativeness and get a smile. I like to design clothes to help people look good and help them gain that confidence that they lack . I love colors and putting things together.To find a elegance in the simplest , most creative things. I think being single was once a curse.Now I believe it has been my biggest blessing in disguise. I can focus on me. I think every woman and every man needs to focus on their self at some point. Whether one is devoted two months or two years. That is when they put relationships , having children, all the extra stuff on the back burner. I feel like so many people these days do not know how to be them self. They dont know who they really are. Women especially spend so much time up a dudes butt trying to make him happy and purposely getting pregnant to keep him around . Its sad cause so often living in the moment can affect you almost always. If you have no dream or no vision for yourself you probably don't think of a future or what currently matters as an end result . I get alot of crazy looks when I say I would like to get married and have children in my 30's ..How is that crazy? I look at Beyonce .She is a woman of passion , goals , and much success. We can get on her looks, and hate on her as much as we want but truth is the woman is truly an artist. People are always singing her songs, a video is always being released, and she gives the world nothing more to talk about but her work and leaves them curious to wonder about everything else. I only wish sex was not such a big thing today, I only wish women had more respect for themselves..What is society's double standards? I wish when it comes to sex women would quit comparing themselves to men ...last time i checked a penis and vagina do not operate the same , they dont look alike and if one monkey robs a bank and gets away with it i guess we all want to be monkeys now. People really should just quit paying attention to the rest of the world and what the people around them or doing (note to self) because at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with it , you are the one who will have to carry the weight of your decisions. everybody be following these days (im guilty of it ) but somebody have to be the leader.Outside of following these rappers, and ....no comment ... what does one think or desire them-self -figure that out and I think the world would be partially better .nobody is coming original.all the game these dudes be trying to spit today was played out at the beginning of 2011, only desperate naive females tend to buy into it - ill save those lines for another blog .My point is if people would spend time on them self they would not be so anxious to hear from somebody else the things they could have already told themselves. they would not need nobody to make them feel good cause they can do that them self . there is nothing cute about being easy - you may be thinking you got him but he just thinking another number ..truth be told. true value comes with work . develop a brand for yourself ..what do you want people to remember you for . we only have one life to live , your decisions today will affect tomorrow- think long term if your vision takes you that far.

zm outlook

It has been a minute since I last blogged.Its so many things to talk about .My other blogs were based on personal of experience of being in love for 4 yrs of my life . It has been two years almost in coming since my single journey has begun. I am two months away from being 22.(sigh). I 'm becoming an adult and I'm actually starting to feel it in a way.Im wanting my own space more and I wish I didnt have the burden of all these bills,and i wish for a  bigger circle of friends.But at the same time 'm becoming more appreciative of the smaller things. I have three constant friends.I can honestly say I love them and they want the best for me .They push me in life as far as moving forward and that is what a good friend is suppose to do .I have started my journey at a university .I like it so far, though i  havent took full advantage of the social aspect of it yet. Its a bigger environment that allows me to shake my head even more . Jackson is so small compared to other cities . I havent been many places but I feel like I have seen it all or at least enough .So many people out here are just dreaming or getting married . I had a dream years ago I'm slowly taking steps for it to come to past. I feel behind though, since I'm about to hit 22. My outlook on marriage and love has changed completely. I dont so much as want it anymore because I think it scares me . What I do want though is to be a fashion designer , a successful entrepreneur and someone who helps make a difference in society .That is where my heart is at right now. Love can wait . I find when you stay focus on your passion or just doing something as simple as going to the gym nothing small or of this shallow world seems to mattter much . I promise people have been telling me that nonstop for the last two years. Things always have a way of hitting you in its own timing. .2012 is going to be a year of adventure and success. Its a new year. Though life hasnt started over it is the beginning and that means a fresh start to change old ways and make new ones. Yea you can simply do this during any year but if you set things at the beginning of the year it gives you a challenge to keep it going during the year .