the clock strikes 12 -the biological clock strikes 21

I have yet to do a blog for the new year. where to begin, what to talk about -where am i at in life? twenty one years of age today and still single . which is definitely not  a bad thing - i have had a few crushes here and there but unfortunately i have had to adapt to society and many people are just not doing the relationship thing today .Everything is so casual . I have no regrets so far . I have learned so much already though in so little time. My sister- my younger sister at that once told me - your closest friend will be your worst enemy . I have learned the hard way that close friends are just as casual as relationships - hold on to the ones you got . I'm not in a bitter place nor in content with where im at yet. I have unfortunately come to a temporary standstill. I have new hair and new confidence in my body but i feel like a failure in everything else. I have yet to get where i want to be in school or get ahead in my fashion. Im distracted by the unimportant and temporary fun things . Its best if i get it out my system now. I have blocked myself from getting attached to people and i have developed the mind of a guy as i like to call it -dont care or get stuck on one person but keep it moving . I have officially let some people go and let some back in.Last year sometime - I wouldve thought i would be married and still with my ex this year .Im not disappointed or sad -as people said - i look back at it as a life lesson- i feel very blessed to be single and have an awesome group of loyal people surrounding me and jsut to feel loved by them for being who i truly am. the road to self discovery has been a challenge.some days i question myself asking is this really me - i feel comfortable but im not the church going girl , the tongue biter, or follower who i use to be. I have developed the mindset of a woman,Parents can only guide their children so much before they let go , step back and look at what they have helped mold their child into. I'm young but life is short at the same time - and you just never know how much time you have left to do what you have to do - what you were put here to do - there has got to be a balance between fun and taking care of real business. - as much as i wish i could stay to myself, as much as i wish i could get these dudes who arent at the moment goin anywhere in life -off my mind, as much as i wish i could fight my fears of rejection - they all still exist- they are all still obstacles. Something that has been sticking with me is what a pastor said- prepare now for future opportunities . i'm not preparing but procrastinating -sadly -its not too late -but its all about getting the mind right- fighting logic over matter.though i may be satisfied now with the physical things about myself - i could make myself more valuable by mentally growing and growing my talent. learning to move past people and points in ones life can only mark the way for new beginnings.