untitled

He  says all the right things

I smile

He does all the right things

I feel comfortable

He gets that smile

He gets a dimple

He gets a touch

He gets my hearts attention

he gets my time

he gets that glow in my eyes

I lust him now

But I want more

Im interested in him now

But I want more

He gets all of me and I get all of his sweet nothings

His originals

Just another one

A fair trade

All of me

Just to get a piece of booty  

WAKE UP !-rise and shine

I really hate to be one to say i wish i couldve done this that way or I  wish this wouldnt have happened.. I believe its really true when people say you find what u are looking for . As much as I over analyze, my brain hurts and there is never a perfect answer. just as i question people with "why" i question myself with it too. I have been anxious to find love or to come across it .I have had my share of talking to ....a number of dudes..I have lost hope in finding it in todays society , but have yet to find patience. I believe good things to come to those who wait, and oddly enough sometimes there u find a good chip in a stale bag. How can you blame one for wanting love tho. It feels good to have that best friend and some one u can be with on another level. But i have taken advantage of the single life, probably not to its fullest. I have in some ways stepped back from this expected set and stone lifestyle ppl have expected of me , and im still growing.I feel i have so much more to do for myself. If i would take advantage more of investing time into myself instead of dreamy thoughts ...patience probably wouldnt be a problem. My passive attitude and over caring ways are what put me in a bind - we all know that everyone isnt gonna like us , we all know that it takes a strong person to speak there mind, and it takes a strong person to be alone. Im still cutting my friend list down - its hard but im accepting that not everyone has your best interest in heart, and no matter how long they have been in your life sometimes those will be the ones you have to let go. The world is a cruel place and its a crime when u care about more what people say than yourself dignity ..and i have committed a crime.A friend of mine, for months now, has been telling me to take some "me" time - to cut my phone off and draw , paint, do something productive and quit worrying about these people who so call have my interest.smh..why is that such a challenge. Im literally my own worst critic. which is one of my good characteristics - i rather i judge myself and be aware of myself than somebody else happening to do it.. though it still will happen regardless, but it only makes you more confident when you are one step ahead of the game . so people can try to knock you but they cant . The people you surround yourself with are either gonna pull u up , pull u down, or just take you nowhere in life... if they are not pulling you up than you are just investing more time and energy into a future nobody  -as harsh as that sounds. Age is no excuse for where you are in life , for I have witnessed many young people doing big things - my thing is procrastination-smh - why do i continue to put off myself for  these nothings and nobodys...the best way to look at it though ..its a growing process. I think at even the the oldest age you will continue to grow.Someone once told me you have to push yourself and do the uncomfortable - the fastest and most effective way to grow. I think more people in life experience more of the would haves than the should haves. My new thing is just to "Go for it " , be easy , relax, and Go. There is no escaping a world of haters , assholes, or perverts for that matter and what they do should be more motvitation to keep doin what u do-if that is on a positive note . A good friend of mine told me recently how i have alot to offer but other people dont see it that way .Its crazy for her to see my worth  and i havent even acknowledged or valued it as she was. take one day at of time and make first things first ..which is myself .

dont hate me because im in love with .....myself

if someone were to ask me nine 11 months ago where i would see myself today .I would say married to my high school sweetheart and almost finished with college.annt wrong answer. im not even close to either one of those. going through middle school, i developed low self esteem. i lost my long hair, i chipped my teeth , and all that good stuff and i wanted nothing but a guy's attention . Now i dress to impress myself . It took me pretty much 7 yrs for me to fill fully secure with myself and accept my imperfections and that im not going to be the finest thing to walk the streets all the time. i love myself . today i feel like to many ppl lack a genuine love for themselves. they cant admit when they are hating and y, they cant accept the fact somebody may have a better body than them, they don't know why they  do half the things they do or why they date the people they date.its sad. a lot of people, women especially lack self respect . I hear a lot of females say its not fair that we arent held to the same standards as men .HELLO - that should be a good thing. we are valued by men and we are more precious than men . we cant be held on the same scale . it shouldn't make us feel good if we are . it shouldn't be ok for a woman to be a ho because a man is ....women who are not monogamous deal with things, in most cases, most time it is an insecurity . they may be afraid to be alone , needing attention they cannot find within their self, or just fear of getting hurt.A single woman as myself - we should be free to mingle and have options and keep them but  as a woman i clearly believe we should have standards single or not. We dont know how men feel when they go to bed at night- hell we clearly are not even programmed the same . and we clearly look at them as dogs but yet want to be put on the same scale as them . We need to have standards ,limits , and stick with them . i have been in love and i have been hurt, tho im anxious to find that good thing with a good guy,  i refuse to settle .its hard to find a guy who wants me mind, body, and heart and not just my body . do i feel bad about myself for having this attitude and still having nobody -yea i do sometimes but i look at the root of my decision.why i chose to be this way. i didnt like how i was when i had low self esteem  and i cant allow myself to be that way because i lack patience. i wish more women would look at themselves and see beauty . if ur hair is short put a weave in or learn to admire ur face and rock short hair. if you fat quit eating so much, if u got bad skin quit using crappy products and wearing so much make up if ur man doesnt make u feel good find a new one.if u cant sing quit trying and find something else u good at but give props to the ones who can.we complain and hate on people for things we can change- true beauty is all in confidence anyways and ones attitude the outside is just the cherry on top. and one will not kno that til they take time with themselves to figure out who they are and learn to love them self. people are so busy trying to find somebody else to love them or sleeping in somebody else bed to feel love and wanted, they are neglecting them self. they are blind to what real love is . they grow attached to the one thing that makes them feel good or the one person they believe wants them --i refuse to believe that lasting happiness lies in that.a friend of mine so young but yet so wise, in my opinion, always told me to have "Me Time."  i really never understood the importance of that till i became broke lol and i had no choice but to stay home and do things with myself.it has been the most rewarding thing and im thanking God for tough times, cause regardless of the pain and stress - u learn the most.my reason for doin a blog on this is because i come across so many females and i dont really understand their actions a lot of times with guys or other females , it bothers me to an extent , because i dont understand them  but in life people are all for them self and you wont ever understand everybody and. you cant save other people either, they can only save them self with their own motivation from within . so smile n brush ur shoulder off.every hater-and im sure there will always be one - is motivation to keep doin what u doing - and do it even better. cause clearly - as they say- if they not hating or congratulating than u not doin something right

the clock strikes 12 -the biological clock strikes 21

I have yet to do a blog for the new year. where to begin, what to talk about -where am i at in life? twenty one years of age today and still single . which is definitely not  a bad thing - i have had a few crushes here and there but unfortunately i have had to adapt to society and many people are just not doing the relationship thing today .Everything is so casual . I have no regrets so far . I have learned so much already though in so little time. My sister- my younger sister at that once told me - your closest friend will be your worst enemy . I have learned the hard way that close friends are just as casual as relationships - hold on to the ones you got . I'm not in a bitter place nor in content with where im at yet. I have unfortunately come to a temporary standstill. I have new hair and new confidence in my body but i feel like a failure in everything else. I have yet to get where i want to be in school or get ahead in my fashion. Im distracted by the unimportant and temporary fun things . Its best if i get it out my system now. I have blocked myself from getting attached to people and i have developed the mind of a guy as i like to call it -dont care or get stuck on one person but keep it moving . I have officially let some people go and let some back in.Last year sometime - I wouldve thought i would be married and still with my ex this year .Im not disappointed or sad -as people said - i look back at it as a life lesson- i feel very blessed to be single and have an awesome group of loyal people surrounding me and jsut to feel loved by them for being who i truly am. the road to self discovery has been a challenge.some days i question myself asking is this really me - i feel comfortable but im not the church going girl , the tongue biter, or follower who i use to be. I have developed the mindset of a woman,Parents can only guide their children so much before they let go , step back and look at what they have helped mold their child into. I'm young but life is short at the same time - and you just never know how much time you have left to do what you have to do - what you were put here to do - there has got to be a balance between fun and taking care of real business. - as much as i wish i could stay to myself, as much as i wish i could get these dudes who arent at the moment goin anywhere in life -off my mind, as much as i wish i could fight my fears of rejection - they all still exist- they are all still obstacles. Something that has been sticking with me is what a pastor said- prepare now for future opportunities . i'm not preparing but procrastinating -sadly -its not too late -but its all about getting the mind right- fighting logic over matter.though i may be satisfied now with the physical things about myself - i could make myself more valuable by mentally growing and growing my talent. learning to move past people and points in ones life can only mark the way for new beginnings.